05.08.10

Was It Worth It?

Posted in Life As We Know It at 3:40 pm by Administrator

One day your life will flash before yours eyes.  Make sure it’s worth watching!–Unknown

We’ve all heard the stories about this impending moment.  When right before it all ends, your life will flash before your eyes.  What will you see?  For eight and a half years I have pondered this question.   Will it be a collage of misery and missed opportunities or visions of you blissfully smiling with the ones you hold the dearest.  Will I go back to relive the aimless wandering through the graveyard after burying the loved one whose loss tragically changed my life?  Or envision sitting on the dock with the BFF Florida one of those peaceful morning, gazing upon a breathtaking sunrise to rival all others?  Or maybe I will witness that moment when the one man I ever loved left.  When I was stopped dead in my tracks–unwilling to move forward, unable to look back.  I think about this, probably too often. 

After years of speculation, I’ve decided I want both(after all, I have always wanted it all.  It’s who I am).  I relish the thought of moments of my life playing before me when I was my happiest.  Those times with friends and family that you look back upon and simply smile.  The nights spent with the one you love when not a word was said.  You were just there absorbing that content feeling.  That level of closeness achieved by few, but sought after by all.  My Christmases at home with my family.  Our Annual Girls Shopping Day/Margarita Night.  Your friends kids’ birthday parties, christenings, first communions and weddings.  The travels to Mexico & Hawaii.  The Girls weekend in the Ozarks and Michigan.  Experiencing the thrill of showing The PC Sister and friends the city of Chicago for the first time.

But I also want to see the less than perfect side of my life.  The tremendous trials. The illness.  The loved ones lost.  For these events, though painful, shaped who I became.  Built a strength in me to allow me to survive the next struggle.  To see the impossible task before me, and then conquer it.  And most importantly, these moments allowed me to appreciate the wonders of life.  To grin at that moment in my nightly runs when I went passed those amazing lilac bushes whose scent was intoxicating.  They make me stand up for what I believe in, never say no to a friend in need and always express how much my loved ones mean to me.  My sister and I never say goodbye, we simply end all conversations with “I love you”.  For the darkest hours should inevitably make you cherish the light ones.

So when this moment arrives, You should ask only one question, “Was it worth it?”

And if you can’t gaze up and smile and answer this question positively, you still have some work to do. 

My answer will be a resounding Yes.

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